


Forbidden.

by lizibabes



Series: Angst Bingo [6]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: AU, First Time, Future Fic, Homophobia, M/M, Sex, Swearing, made up laws
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-03
Updated: 2012-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-30 13:07:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/332049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the prompt Don't ask don't tell on angst bingo, Virgins for 50kinkyways and #35 intercourse for smut_69. In a world where being out in the media is illegal and people are afraid to talk about sexuality, Adam doesn't ask and Tommy doesn't tell, but they end up in bed anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forbidden.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Set in an AU world, Adam was still on idol, still has his band. But he's not out and he didn't kiss Tommy at the AMA's or any other show.

Adam POV  
　  
The laws were passed before he was born, so he's never known different. But he can imagine what it was like before it all changed. They teach in school that the world was full of sin, that it caused wars and drastic drops in the population. The laws, they say, were passed to save mankind from destruction and extinction. Adam doesn't believe them. He doesn't see how loving your own gender could cause all that. But he doesn't say anything. He's seen what happens to people who don't keep their mouths shut.  
　  
His baby brother Neil was at a rally, protesting the ‘don't ask don't tell’ law. A law that acknowledged that gay people existed, but stated they were not allowed to engaged in same sex intercourse or any other sexual activities with someone who is the same gender as you. Neil had claimed to have read a book about the original ‘don't ask, don't tell’ law. He said it didn't use to be like this. He was arrested at the rally. It's been a year since he was arrested. If there was a trial, Adam and his parents weren't told about it. They were simply notified that Neil was in jail. They weren't told how long for, where he was being kept. They hadn't heard a word about him the whole time and Adam feared every day that he had been killed and they just hadn't been told.  
　  
Adam's dated women, well pretended to date friends. He never asks why they offer. He doesn't ask and they don't tell. If he was single all the time, in the public eye the way he is, people would start asking questions. So he pretends, even though he knows deep down that his interests don't lie with women. He's never slept with any of the women he's dated, so at the age of twenty nine, he's still a virgin, has never had intercourse and doesn't think he ever will. He channels all of his energy into his work. It keeps him busy, so busy that sometimes he doesn't even have time to be depressed about all the other couples around have it so easy. He's a good singer. He comes second on Idol, so he knows he isn't the only person who thinks he can do this. He tours with Idol and when that's over, he starts picking his own band, ready for his own tour. And that is when things start to change.  
　  
When Tommy Joe Ratliff walks in, wearing tight black jeans, a band T-shirt and wearing makeup, Adam wants to ask, he wants to ask so badly. He's never wanted to take the risk of asking someone before and he sure as hell has never told anyone. But looking at Tommy, watching him play, Adam isn't sure he'd be able to control himself if Tommy was already around. The guitar spot is already filled, perfect excuse to never see the guy again. He'd never have to look at those pouty lips or at those big brown eyes, outlined with midnight black eyeliner, eyes that seem to look right through him and make him shiver. He could send Tommy away, but instead he asks if he could learn bass and Tommy's eyes light up, promise to have it down in a week and he does. He makes sure he's never alone with Tommy though, not at rehearsals, not after shows and not when they start touring on the buses. That is until one day when he wakes up in the night. His throat feels dry and scratchy. He's so thirsty, which can't be good for his voice, so he wonders out into the kitchen.  
　  
Tommy's sprawled out on one of the couches, a drink in one hand, a cigarette in the other, his hair a mess, that days makeup still on his face. He looks like a hot mess and Adam can't help heading in Tommy's direction instead of going to get the glass of water he came out here for. It takes Adam a second to notice that Tommy's shirtless, because he'd been fixating on his face. But Tommy is completely naked from the waist up. It shows off arms totally covered in tattoos that until this moment, Adam has only caught glimpses of ink when Tommy's sleeves were rolled back a little. Tommy's piercings are what he notices now. Not the ones in his ears. He's seen those plenty of times. No, the piercings he's fascinated by are the ones in Tommy's nipples, a silver bar going through each nipple, a ball on either side. Adam has never seen nipple piercings before, but he's heard the rumours. That people get them done as part of some sexual code, for people who like their own gender. A girl he knows had told him the left nipple piercing meant that the person liked being the more submissive partner and a bar in the right meant the opposite. Tommy has both though and Adam doesn't know what that means, he can guess though.  
　  
"Hey," Tommy says softly, startling Adam. He'd been so focused on looking at Tommy, at his body and those two shiny bits of metal that he had totally spaced out.  
　  
"I came to get some water," Adam blurts out and blushes. He feels so insecure. He's at his most confidant when he's performing, but this isn't a stage and Tommy's the only one watching him, not an audience.   
　  
"Like the piercings?" Tommy asks, totally casual about the fact he's showing off something that is totally taboo in their country.  
　  
"I, I didn't know you had them." Stuttering and blushing, so smooth. He's acting like he's never seen a pretty boy with his shirt off before.  
　  
"Not many people do. I don't show them off just anywhere." The implication that he has been showing them off somewhere makes Adam's whole body tightening. He's heard of underground sex clubs, but he's never seen one or been to one. But he's seen stuff, in the papers, heard stories about places you could go to and have illegal same gender intercourse. Tommy's only a year older than him, but Adam feels like they’re playing in very different leagues. He very much doubts that Tommy is a virgin, doesn't think Tommy's only been having intercourse with women.  
　  
"Don't you worry, what some people would think if they see them?" Adam asks.  
　  
"If they bother you, I can cover them up. You just have to ask, man." Tommy shrugs, making no move to cover himself, like he's going to make Adam say it if he wants it.  
　  
"No, I didn't mean that I was like offended or anything. I've just heard stuff about them, what they mean." He feels even more awkward standing while he talks to Tommy, so he sits down on the couch, not that there is much room with the way Tommy's half laying on it, half sitting. Adam perches right on the edge. Tommy smirks at him, before taking one last drag of his cigarette, before dropping it into a beer bottle that has a tiny amount of liquid at the bottom.   
　  
"What have you heard, Adam?" Tommy asks, giving Adam a look that makes him look strangely dangerous, not like the easy, laid back, go with the flow guy he normally is. The Tommy he's sitting with now has a sharp edge and Adam has a feeling he needs to be careful around him. He should get his water and go, not answer Tommy's questions, but he feels glued to the spot by Tommy's gaze on him.  
　  
"That they’re a way for men who like other men to know what way the person likes to have intercourse," Adam answers, feeling his whole body flush just at saying a word like that to Tommy.  
　  
"Your family all rule followers? Seriously, you’re like twenty nine and you still say intercourse? I've seen the way you move when you’re dancing, it's hot. You dance like you want to fuck somebody, not have intercourse with them," Tommy says lazy, still so relaxed, even though they could get in trouble for even talking about things like this.  
　  
"Not really, my brother went to jail for protesting against the law." Adam sighs.  
　  
Tommy's suddenly closer, his hand cupping Adam's jaw gently, making Adam meet his eyes. Soft brown eyes, filled with warmth and something a little darker.   
　  
"I'm sorry," Tommy says softly, not a trace of pity in his voice, but genuine sympathy. He wonders if Tommy has ever lost someone to the ‘don't ask don't tell’ law. He's thinking about asking, but then Tommy's lips meet his and all he can think of is the way this kiss feels, so much better than any kiss he's shared with a woman as an adult or a girl in high school. He's never kissed a man before, but he still knows how to kiss, so after a few seconds he gets with the program and starts kissing Tommy back. Chaste kisses turning hot and wet, slick heat and kissing has never felt like this, never had him half hard in sleep pants, so turned on he can't help but grab onto Tommy's body. He touches everything he can, the soft skin on Tommy's sides, his back, his nipples, fascinated by the way playing with them makes Tommy whimper into the kiss.  
　  
Tommy ends the kiss. Standing up, he offers Adam his hand. Neither of them have admitted to liking men and Adam isn't going to ask, he knows enough. He's not going to ask Tommy if he's sure, if he's done this before and he's not going to tell Tommy that he's always known he was attracted sexually to men, but has never been with one. Tommy had seemed to find Adam using the word intercourse, he doesn't want to know what Tommy's reaction would be if Adam told him he was a virgin. Adam gets to his feet, lets Tommy lead him to his own private room at the back of the bus. It feels weird to have someone else leading the way to his bedroom. But having Tommy hold onto his hand to help drag him along, that feels good, he's never even held hands with a man before. Casual affection between people of the same gender had been frowned on at his school, even if it was completely platonic. But then ever since he met Tommy, it's been pretty clear that Tommy doesn't have any concerns over touching anyone; male or female. Tommy's affectionate with everyone. One day it's going to get him in trouble, but not today. Because he shuts the door behind him and the only person Tommy is touching is him and Adam has no plans to tell anyone.  
　  
"Have you got any lube? Condoms?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"I have condoms." He always packs them, keeps one in his wallet, all the things he's seen other guys do. If anyone looked through his stuff, they'd find them and assume that Adam was having intercourse with whatever girl he was pretending to date that month.  
　  
"But no lube?" Tommy raises his eyebrows at him.  
　  
"Improvise?" Adam suggests. He's had years of nothing but his own hands. He's never got off with someone else. He really wants to, he wants Tommy.  
　  
　  
Tommy looks around the room and suddenly he's smiling. Walking over to the dresser, he picks up a bottle of moisturiser, reading the back and the front before throwing it onto Adam's bed.  
　  
"That'll work," Tommy says happily.  
　  
Adam's nerves kick in. He might have not had intercourse before, but he knows what it involves, why Tommy will need lube or a substitute for lube. He want to be with someone. Tommy's perfect, he's small and pretty, an awesome friend, a caring man. He can't imagine having anyone more perfect for his first time, but he's still scared. Tommy is clearly way more experienced than Adam, hell everyone Adam knows has more experience that he does. He's worried that it'll hurt, that he won't be good enough for Tommy. The kiss had felt good to Adam, but then he's not got any other men to compare it to. Tommy has, but surely if the kiss had been bad, Tommy wouldn't have gone to Adam's bedroom for privacy.  
　  
He feels like a statue. He can't make himself move closer to the bed, can't make himself walk out the door either or tell Tommy to leave. He doesn't want Tommy to go away, but he doesn't know what to do. He's never been in this position. He's never met someone that he was sure liked men. He knows Tommy does, but without asking. Tommy strips off his jeans, his shoes still somewhere else on the bus. He pulls his socks off and then he's standing there in nothing but a pair of black boxers.  
　  
"Hay, if I read you wrong, if you don't want me, it's okay," Tommy says suddenly right in Adam's face, concern easy to see on his face.  
　  
Fuck, he doesn't want to fuck up what might be his only chance to have this. He doesn't want to die a virgin and he can't think of anyone who he'll be safer with than Tommy. He could have gone to an illegal club, but he'd feared the idea of sex with a stranger as much as he'd feared being caught. Tommy was in his band, had quickly become one of Adam's best friends. He was a good man and he probably had the experience to make this good.  
　  
"You didn't read anything wrong. I just, I'm nervous I guess." Adam sighs and Tommy pulls him to a close hug, his slim body melting into Adam like he's trying to make them one person.  
　  
"Scared of getting caught?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"Yeah." It’s not a lie, he is afraid. If Neil went to jail for protesting against the law, what would they do to someone who was breaking it? They wouldn't want someone who was famous to be seen breaking the law, seen as it might encourage other people to do the same.  
　  
"We won't get caught. We're on the bus. Even if someone heard or saw us, they wouldn't say anything to anybody," Tommy says firmly and Adam's proud of the faith Tommy has in their weird little tour family.  
　  
"Okay." Adam steps back from Tommy, starts stripping out of his clothes. He's still nervous, but he wants this, wants it so much. Tommy comes forward, cupping Adam's dick through his boxers, his touch light, but it makes Adam groan.  
　  
"You’re fucking big. I can't wait to get you inside me, you’re gonna feel so good," Tommy moans into his neck, pressing a sloppy kiss to sensitive skin after he finishes talking.  
　  
"What?" Adam blurts out without meaning to. Tommy pulls back so that he's looking Adam in the face.  
　  
"I want you to fuck me. You’re not into that? More a blowjobs and handjobs kind of guy, because I can work with that," Tommy says casually, like his words don't paint a picture in Adam's mind of a dozen, filthy in the best kind of way sex acts that he's never done, hardly even seen them.  
　  
"I, ah, I thought because you’re more experienced and stuff, you'd want to do me," Adam mutters and he can feel the heat that has to be coming off his cheeks he's blushing so hard.   
　  
"Most guys assume I don't top, because I'm short and slim, because of the makeup and the hair. But I do both. Just figured you'd be pretty dominate, like you'd want to use all that strength, to pin me down and fuck me with that huge cock of yours," Tommy says, his hips moving lazily against Adam and he's so turned on, by the things Tommy is doing, the things he's saying. He's never met someone who would talk about intercourse so casually, so openly and not just any intercourse, but intercourse between two men. Adam doesn't think he's ever even heard a guy refer to another guy’s dick or say the word blowjob.  
　  
"I want to, I do, whatever way you want," Adam moans.  
　  
"Well I want you to fuck me. You good with that?" Tommy asks, all innocent big eyes, even as his hand slides down under the waist band of Adam's boxers. Adam moans. He's never felt bare skin against his before. Tommy's hand wrapped around his dick is the best thing he has ever felt and if this feels so good, he can't imagine how it will feel to be inside Tommy's body.  
　  
"I'm so good with that," Adam moans. He'd imagined doing a lot of things on this tour, but he didn't think losing his virginity would be one of them.  
　  
Tommy takes charge again and Adam's happy to let him. Tommy gets them both out of their underwear and on the bed. Adam quickly gets the condoms out of the drawer beside his bed. He might not have been having intercourse with anyone, but he was sure the drawer next to the bed was the sort of place someone who was having intercourse would keep them. And suddenly he can hardly think, because Tommy is sprawled out on top with him, naked. He's never had this, didn't imagine it could feel this good. It's just skin against skin, they're hardly even doing anything, but it feels incredible and then he gets his hands on Tommy and he thinks his heart will burst, it starts beating so fast. He loves the way this feels, loves the way Tommy's just trusting him with his body. He doesn't want to hurt Tommy, but he doesn't want to lie and go wrong because he didn't know what he was doing.  
　  
"Tommy," Adam says softly. He doesn't want Tommy to stop sucking at his collar bone, but they have to talk. He slides a hand into the back of Tommy's hair and tugs up. It gets Tommy's mouth off him, but it also has him moaning, like Adam yanking on his hair like that is the hottest thing ever. "Tommy," Adam repeats, trying to get him to focus.   
　  
"What?" Tommy pouts. It's pretty damn clear that Tommy didn't want them to stop, even for a little while.  
　  
"I need to tell you something," Adam says softly and he's so embarrassed. Tommy's going to leave, maybe even laugh at Adam. A hot experienced guy like Tommy won't want some almost thirty year old virgin, who doesn't have a clue how to make intercourse with a man good. He knows how men have sex, in theory anyway. He knows what goes where, but beyond that he's pretty much lost.  
　  
"Okay, not the ideal time for a conversation, but go for it." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"I'm a virgin," Adam blurts out.  
　  
"Well yeah, I kind of figured you were when you kept calling sex intercourse and the whole jumpy thing you have going on. And the fact you don't have lube. Pretty much guessed that you hadn't been fucking guys," Tommy says casually, like it's no big deal.  
　  
"You don't care? I mean I'm a total virgin. I've never been with anyone. I'm not just a virgin when it comes to guys." Adam sighs.  
　  
"Everyone was a virgin at one point and sure, some people maybe never have sex, but everyone else, they have a first time. It's nothing to be embarrassed about," Tommy says softly, his hands gentle on Adam's chest where he's resting them, his hips rolling a little against Adam's.  
　  
"You’re not worried that I'll be bad at it? The, the sex?" He needs to be able to say sex if he's going to have it. Intercourse sounds so clinical, cold, nothing like the way he feels now, with Tommy here in his bed.   
　  
"If you’re even half as passionate in bed as you are on stage when you sing, I know it'll be good. Besides, I can show you the ropes." Tommy grins. He looks playful, mischievous and he takes Adam's hand, getting some of his fingers slick with moisturiser. And then he's guiding Adam's hand, bringing it back, to his ass, between the gap, and Adam's fingers suddenly feel thick and blunt, too big and awkward. But with Tommy's urging, he pushes harder with one, sliding it into Tommy's body. He hasn't even done this to himself, but Tommy knows what he's doing. Tommy knows how to fuck someone, not have intercourse. He's anything but cold and clinical. Tommy shows him how to move his fingers, to make Tommy moan, how to stretch Tommy so that Adam can get inside him.   
　  
Tommy stays on top of him, legs straddling his hips, leaning down to kiss Adam every few minutes. His kiss turning sloppy whenever Adam hits that spot inside of Tommy that makes him go squirmy and loud. Adam briefly worries that someone might hear them, but his room has the only thick walls on the bus, because he uses the space to work, practise vocals, warm up and work on new stuff. He remembers someone saying it wasn't completely sound proof, but it was close. He can't bring himself to care much anyway. The way Tommy sounds, it's so much hotter than any fantasy he has ever had about having intercourse. That word doesn't even fit here, fit with the way Tommy is riding his fingers, begging for more. Tommy grabs the condom, rolls it down over Adam's dick, moves practiced and easy and Adam feels a small twinge of jealousy over all the men that Tommy has been with in the past, but the past can't matter now, not when Tommy's sinking down on Adam's dick, taking him into his body, all the way to the hilt, his breath hissing out as he rolls his hips down. Adam has to fight not to come. He's never felt anything so tight.   
　  
"Adam, fuck, you’re so fucking big," Tommy moans, his face, fuck! He looks like he's loving this, even though Adam still feels a little clueless about what to do. When Tommy pulls up before sinking down again the realisation hits Adam, he's not a virgin anymore, not really, he's inside somebody, having intercourse, having sex; he's fucking Tommy. Adam feels his instincts taking over, rolling his hips, thrusting. Nothing has ever felt this good, nothing. He can't believe he has gone so long without experiencing this. He doesn't get how anyone could think this was wrong, how it could be illegal.   
　  
"Yeah, just like that Adam, move like that, fuck. Can't believe you’re a virgin. Fuck, you know the fact that I'm your first turns me on? It gets me hot knowing no one else has had this," Tommy pants out, moving in time with Adam. When they kiss, it's more like breathing into each other’s mouths, panting, sharing air. They're both hot and flushed, sweat sliding over their skin and it feels so good Adam honestly doesn't know how he's lasted this long.  
　  
"Tommy," Adam gasps against the damp skin of Tommy's neck, holding Tommy close, their bodies close, their hips moving in time with each other’s. He's close and it feels amazing, so much better than getting himself off. He can't imagine going back to his own hand after this. He hopes he won't have to.  
　  
"Yeah, come on, just a little harder, just a little more. Want you to come inside me, should have done you bare, seen as I'm the first to get on your dick, come on, fuck," Tommy babbles, random filth and Adam's name spilling past his lips and Adam gets a hand between them, jerking Tommy off as he thrusts harder, wanting to push Tommy over the edge before he gets there himself.   
　  
Tommy starts chanting his name, like he can't stop and then Tommy's orgasm hits and he spills over Adam's hand. He works Tommy through it, till Tommy pushes his hand away, clearly too sensitive to touch, but he still rocks his body against Adam's, helping him find his own release. It feels like it lasts forever. He can't see, doesn't know if he's moving, if he's saying anything, too lost in the pleasure. When the intensity dies down a little, he realizes Tommy isn't on top of him anymore, but lying beside him, hair a mess, makeup looking crazy, come drying on his stomach, but he looks good, really fucking good, like Adam might want to try for round two way sooner than he'd ever thought his body could. He gets the condom off and throws it in the trash and then he turns to face Tommy. Blond hair hides his face, but Adam can see him smiling, his soft pink lips curved up slightly. He looks serene, peaceful, happy. Seeing Tommy looking like that confirms something Adam has thought all along. There isn't anything wrong with having intercourse with someone who is the same gender as you. There is nothing wrong with having sex, with fucking, whatever you want to call it and there sure as hell isn't anything wrong with affection between two men or two women. Love is love, gender shouldn't even come into it.  
　  
"So, you liked it right? Maybe enough to do it again?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"Yeah, I want that, want you. I more than liked it. I thought I'd die a virgin. I'm glad I won't and I'm glad it was you." He trusts Tommy, he's pretty sure plenty of people have bad first times, but Tommy's special. He's never met someone who's put him so at ease. They’re lying side by side, completely naked and he doesn't even feel the urge to cover himself up. Normally Adam's pretty shy about his body, keeping it covered even at places like the beach. But he doesn't feel like he needs to when he's with Tommy, lying with him. Adam feels, sexy, desirable.   
　  
"I'm glad it was me, too. I hate the idea of you risking going to a stranger, getting hurt. You’re too good for that. You’re the kind of guy who'll make a difference to people’s lives. Hell, you made my life better, you kind of fascinate me. I like you a lot," Tommy says softly, reaching for Adam's hand and Adam closes the gap, threading his fingers through Tommy's.  
　  
"Like you, did you do that? Sleep with strangers?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Yeah, thought I was such a rebel, sticking one to all the people who said I couldn't, shouldn't be who I was. But I realized what I was doing wasn't doing anything but putting me at risk, so I stopped, went looking for something better. A dream to follow. Now I have an amazing job and I maybe have you and that makes a fucked up world just a little bit better." Tommy stares at the ceiling the whole time he's talking and that doesn't sit well with Adam. He cups Tommy's chin, making him meet Adam's gaze.  
　  
"You’re special, different, perfect. And you do have me, for as long as you want me." He leans in, kissing Tommy sweetly.  
　  
Tommy stays in his bed that night. They've both agreed that trying to hide this from the rest of the band would be pointless, living the way they do. They'll find out anyway. When Tommy falls asleep, Adam can't quite managed to drift off and join him. He can't help thinking about Neil, how his brother had been trying to fight so that Adam could do this legally and openly. He really doesn't know if Neil fought so hard because maybe he know Adam liked men, maybe he didn't, but either way Neil had been fighting for his rights, whether he knew it or not. It has never sat well with him that Neil was taken, closed trial, no details given to his family. He wants to find Neil, dead or alive. He needs to know the truth now more than ever. Holding Tommy, he can't imagine having to treat him like a dirty little secret his whole life. Tommy deserves better than that, hell so does Adam.  
　  
He's pretty sure he's been falling for Tommy ever since they first met, so it's not just the sex. He's never liked the ‘don't ask don't tell’ law. He wonders how many people have ended up in situations like him and Tommy. Neither of them asking if the other likes men, not talking about it. Not asking about what was between them; friends with benefits, lovers, partners, they don't talk about the important things, because they can't. Adam doesn't want to live in a world where he has to hide something like love. In the morning, he tells Tommy that he's planning to use the fame and money he's earned to try and find Neil, to try and change things. He tells Tommy he doesn't have to help, doesn't have to stay with him. Tommy just kisses him softly, whispering words like forever against his skin, his lips. Forever with Tommy is something that seems worth fighting for.  
　  
The End.


End file.
